1st Christmas without Mama

“I believe in Love at first sight because I have love my mother ever since I opened my eyes.”, I read this line this morning from the internet and I agree. It's almost 3months now since my beloved Mother passed away after battling with Pancreatic Cancer. In a family, mostly, MOTHER is really the light of the house, blanket when you feel cold, fire when you are cold and a hanky each time tears fall from your eyes.

At first, I don’t really feel like celebrating Christmas though it is really fast approaching. I just hang our PAROL (Christmas lantern) this Saturday afternoon, I don’t want my Mama to see our house, from afar, and that it has no Christmas decorations. Until now I still don’t have any plans for December 25 except from visiting my siblings on my mother's side.

 I know even if I don’t speak or mention it to my partner, she knows what I feel. This is the first Christmas that I will be spending without my Mother. I've been with her all my life; we’ve spent  ups and downs together, shares secrets and sometime argue but the end of the day she is still my mother who understands and love me. 

I never have problem coming-out to her because there is no confirmation or questions asked, she just know it maybe because she is my mother. I will not trade Mama for anything in this world; 

Her Love for her children is so selfless that even to her last days she still thinks of our own welfare.

Just imagine in my age, when she was still here with us, she still hug and kissed me wherever and whenever. I am super sad right now, I think my "mental shield" is starting to melt down and I don’t have the strength to charge it again.

  

But Mama gives me a good foundation; she used to say "a lot of problems may come our way before December but there still a reason for this season. 

Christmas is a celebration of Jesus Christ’s birth and it was already installed by my mother ever since I was a kid. So just like the song goes “Sapat nang si Hesus ang kasama mo,Tuloy na tuloy parin ang pasko”. 

Sometimes, I can still feel Mama around; she is now one of my angels up in heaven. I know, when the time come that we will meet there, I know she still knows me and welcome me with her warm hugs and kisses because she is my mother forever. The 2nd person I love, next to God.

Mother is always a mother in whatever form God create her.

Source: Images from “30 Maternal Love Photographs by Eric Shafer"